When The Sun Still Shone
by Just-a-few-words
Summary: He is her sun, and as long as he shines, she'll live and smile.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer : I don't own The Twilight Series, or the characters. No copyright infringement intended.**

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><p>Like every morning, I hear <em>him<em> leaving for work and I'm relieved.

I'm relieved not to feel _his_ warmth and _his_presence next to me.

I'm relieved not to have to make small talk to _him_.

I'm relieved because I won't be seeing _him_ until I come back from work late at night.

I'm relieved because _he_'s not you.

Yet,_he_ is my husband.

I envelop myself in the covers. It's cold and the landlord has yet to put on the heater.

I feel your breath on my neck. You know it makes me sigh.


	2. Chapter 2

We are woken up by yelling.

Them again.

She's begging, he's screaming.

Then she cries out and nothing.

I often hear them argue.

He hits her. She yells and tells him she hates him and that she should leave his sorry ass.

I don't understand why she stays.

I know you hate that. You are always telling me that she should leave.

Still, when he smiles at me in the corridors with his dimpled smile and offers to help me with my groceries, I let him.

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><p><strong><em>A.N._**

_Banner on my profil._

_Thanks for reading. ;)_


	3. Chapter 3

I arrive late at work, as usual. It's okay though, Bella is covering up for me.

It's your fault, as usual. We got caught up in memories of our meeting.

I say it was during your first day at school in 6th grade when Mr Banner had you introduce yourself in front of the whole class.

You say it was at Forks' annual fair two months before. You say that you asked me for the time. I know it's not true. I would have remembered you.


	4. Chapter 4

Jane is bitching at me because she received a complaint from the table I wait.

An indecisive family who can't stop changing the sides and sauces.

I have trouble keeping a straight face when she talks as you are doing funny things behind her back.

I nod and say it won't happen again.


	5. Chapter 5

The restaurant is closed. I offered Bella to stay to wash the dishes so that she could go home.

I tell myself that it's because she always covers up for me and because I know she has a son waiting home for her.

But you and I know it's because I don't want to go home to _him._

"Why did you marry him if he repulses you that much?" You sound irritated, I know that you wish it were you. So do I.

"Because you weren't there."

You aren't pleased with my answer so you leave.


	6. Chapter 6

When I arrive home, he is already asleep.

On my way up I see my neighbor. She's got a black eye.

She didn't cover it up.

Maybe because it's night-time and she's only taking the garbage out.

Maybe because she doesn't want to bother anymore.

It's sad that such a beautiful woman is finding herself in this situation.

She's blond, tall, exudes confidence... A bombshell.

But now while I'm staring at her, all I see is a scared woman.


	7. Chapter 7

Bella brought her son Edward Jr at the restaurant today.

She hides him in the kitchen, under one of the sinks where Jane won't be able to see him.

But I think she knows.

It's not the first time she does that. It's just easier now that he's 4 because he doesn't cry or wander around like he used to.

Her situation saddens me. She had her son at 17 and her parents threw her out while she was still pregnant. And from what I've gathered, there is no father in the picture.

When I take the garbage out, you are here looking all apologetic.

It's been days since I last saw you.

"I'm sorry." You say when I go back in the restaurant kitchen.

"What for?"

"I don't know."

"Sometimes Jasper, sorry isn't enough. I thought I would never see you again."

"Who are you talking to?" Edward Jr's head pokes out from under the sink, his mouth full of pizza.

"No one."

"You're weird." He says still watching me with his wide green eyes.

I can only smile. He is cute but I'll never want one.


	8. Chapter 8

"Do you want some help with your groceries?"

He's smiling his dimpled smile. He's really handsome, big, burly.

He seems nice enough. If I didn't know better, I'd say that any woman would be lucky to have him in her life.

"Sure. Thanks."

I can see you at the top of the stairs watching me disapprovingly and shaking your head.

I walk past you without acknowledging you.


	9. Chapter 9

When I get back home, _he'_s still up.

_He_'s watching my every move with hungry eyes.

I feel them and I get a knot in my stomach.

I managed to avoid doing that with _him_ for almost two months.

Men have needs. I know.

I remember why I married _him_ now. _His_ patience, _his_ kindness, the feeling of being loved...

I stop stalling.

I let _him_ make love to me and, as usual, I simulate. I sigh and moan.

I know _he_'ll finish faster if _he_ thinks I enjoyed myself too.

He can be such a gentleman.


	10. Chapter 10

"How was it?"

You ask when I enter the shower.

"He's my husband Jasper."

"You seemed to be enjoying yourself."

"I was." I lie. But at least now you stop talking.

You don't leave this time and I'm relieved.

You join me in the shower and I wish we could touch like we used to.


	11. Chapter 11

"Do you think she'll agree to go out with me?"

Jacob is a college student, a new addition to the staff.

It's obvious he has something for Bella.

We watch her as she's cleaning a table.

Despite the fact that we've been colleagues for years, I don't know much about her.

"I don't know."


	12. Chapter 12

"It was so damn funny!" You are running, jumping and laughing so hard people could hear you. "I mean, did you see his face when she told him 'no'?"

I shake my head, I wasn't there.

"Well, you should have." You keep telling all about how Bella rejected Jacob's invitation for dinner. And you're still laughing.

I'm happy, it's been so long since I last heard this sound.

I didn't realize that I longed for it.

But when it comes to you Jasper, I long for everything.

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><p><strong>A.N.**

_The story is told in Alice's POV. _

_I noticed that I posted the wrong chapters (5-6-7). The error has been fixed._

_Thank you for reading._

_:)_


	13. Chapter 13

When we reach the building, you sober up.

"What's up?"

You just shake your head and follow me upstairs.

"I have to leave."

Suddenly, I have something caught in my throat. "What?"

My voice is hoarse. I don't want you to leave.

You chuckle and I relax instantly. How easily you affect me...

"I'll come back tomorrow. I just don't want to get in your flat. It's wrong."

I just nod. I don't know what to say.

I don't think it wrong. It's always right when it comes to you.

Always.


	14. Chapter 14

"Alice." Bella seems distressed. "Could you attend table 5 for me? I'll switch with the 8 if you want."

I agree and don't ask anything. It's not my place to do so.

When I see the handsome man with green eyes, I know without a doubt that he's her son's father.

The way he's dressed, his watch, even his cologne are signs of his wealth.

While Bella struggles to make little money.

"Maybe she should talk to him." You witness and know everything.

You always used to be right. You still are.


	15. Chapter 15

The restaurant is closed. There is only Bella and me left.

The only sounds that can be heard are the ones we are making as we are filling salt and pepper shakers when I speak.

"Maybe you should talk to him."

"What?"

Bella stops filling the saltshaker she's holding.

"To your son's father...He's been coming here for two weeks everyday hoping to talk with you."

"You don't know what you are talking about." Bella's tone is curt. She never is and maybe I should have kept silent.

"I think you should. Your son..." Bella sets abruptly the shaker on the counter.

"Don't involve my son. Okay? He doesn't need a father if this is what you were going to say. Just drop it. You don't know anything."

I don't say anything else and resume my filling.

It's not my place. She's right, I know nothing about their story.

Would I like it if she started to talk me into letting you go?

-x-x-x-x-x-

"And if he really needs a father, I could find him one." Bella adds later while we are mopping the floor.

I can't help myself. "Well, if it's true, why did you turn down Jacob?"

She's shocked. Maybe because I don't act this way habitually, maybe because she thought nobody knew.

But I do. Thanks to you.

-x-x-x-x-x-

We are leaving the restaurant when she talks again.

"Do you know what he said to me when I told him I was pregnant?" She doesn't care about my answering because she keeps talking. "That 'it' wasn't his. He didn't even step in when he learned that my parents threw me out... Just gave me a bunch of money and sent me away. I don't want him in our lives."

She goes right and I, left.

You are waiting for me at the corner of the street. "A real bastard." I say.

"He's real sorry too." You mutter.

I want to ask you why you are so sullen lately but I don't.

You walk me to my my building and leave me there. You won't even come up anymore.


	16. Chapter 16

When I go and retrieve my mail, I see a man, who isn't my dimpled neighbor, getting out of Dimples' apartment.

He is wearing a suit, seems to be in his mid-thirties, he's dark-haired. Handsome.

The fact that he kisses my neighbor doesn't leave any place for doubt.

She must have heard my door opening because she's looking straight at me.

The man is behind me when I walk down the stairs.

His phone rings and he answers, his tone businesslike "Royce King."

He's out of the building soon enough.

The funny thing is that it's with this kind of man that I picture her.

He would be Ken and she Barbie.

She's still in the corridor when I come up.

"You won't say anything, huh?" She asks once I open my door.

"It's none of my business." I say before closing the door.


	17. Chapter 17

We are walking in a park. I have a day off today.

It reminds me of a time when we would go for long walks in the woods of Forks.

A time when your touch made me tingle and your kisses made me burn.

You want to seat near the fountain.

When I ask why, you just say that you want to enjoy the time you have with me.

It's absurd. You are always with me. I don't like the way you are talking. It's so final.

When I look at you, I see something in your eyes.

Something I saw once and that I never want to see again.

It's a goodbye.


	18. Chapter 18

We are on your bike, driving on the 101 towards La Push.

I can feel light rain on my face. With the wind blowing in my hair, it feels amazing.

What I prefer, when we are on your bike, is that I'm intoxicated by your smell.

I like the fact that we are so close it feels like we are only one person.

I love your bike.

I'll love it until it takes you away from me.


	19. Chapter 19

When I wake up, you are leaning against the wall, watching me sleep.

It's been so long since you came here that I'm startled.

"I thought you wouldn't come back."

You sigh before answering "I did too. Bad dream?"

"Just remembering Forks." _Us_. I smile slightly.

I don't elaborate. I don't need to, you know what I'm talking about.

We don't talk even when you drop me at work.

We don't talk, and it kills me.


	20. Chapter 20

Today is a strange day.

First, I heard Mr Dimple sob this morning.

Second, Bella agreed to talk with Edward which leaves me looking after her kid.

Third, turns out Edward Jr. is smart and funny. Weirdly enough, I like him.

Fourth, _he_ comes to walk me home. We don't talk.

Strangest thing, you weren't there today.

Saddest of all... I almost didn't notice.


	21. Chapter 21

We are watching TV when he lays his hand on my stomach.

"I love the idea of a child growing inside you. Our child." He says.

I wonder where and when he suddenly got this idea.

I don't say anything. What can I say?

Doesn't he know I cannot fathom the idea of having a child?

Especially his.

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><p>Thank you for reading and reviewing.<p>

;)


	22. Chapter 22

"A child, huh?"

You are standing in front of the bathroom mirror. I'm startled.

I dry myself.

"So a baby?" You say again. There is something malicious in your voice.

It's not you.

I ignore you and go to my room.


	23. Chapter 23

Barbie and Dimples are arguing. It's intense.

So loud I can hear words like "_slut_", "_not __a __real __man_", "_shut __up_", "_whore_", "_it __was __so __good_", "_shut __up_", "_in __this __bed, __the __couch..._", "_I'm __gonna __kil__l __you_".

I hear a _thud._ Then nothing.

It's disquieting.

I hesitate but call 911. He might have killed her.

When I hang up, you're here.

"It was bound to happen." You say.


	24. Chapter 24

Barbie isn't dead.

Neither is Mr Dimple.

Apparently she hit him with a pan and he passed out.

They leave with the cops and paramedics.

I go to work.


	25. Chapter 25

When I start my shift, Bella is finishing hers.

Edward Jr is sitting down at one of the tables drinking a milkshake.

What surprises me is that his father is with him.

What surprises me more is that when Bella is ready to leave, they leave together.

To say that only some nights ago she was against the idea of involving him in her son's life.

You will be thrilled when you know that you were right.

But I don't see you that night.


	26. Chapter 26

We are at First Beach.

I'm wearing the yellow dress. Your favorite.

You throw me in the water and I scream.

You're crazy, I'm certainly going to catch a cold. Or worse pneumonia.

The orgasm you give me later on -on your mom's car backseat- sure warms me up though.

We make love and even if it's not mind-blowing, it still kind of is because it's you.

Sometimes, I love you so much it hurts.

The idea of a life without you is foreign then.


	27. Chapter 27

"I'm sorry."

It's you.

I close my front door and turn around to your apologetic face.

"I'm sorry" You repeat.

"What for?"

"For being an asshole lately."

"It's okay."

"No it's not."

"It's okay."

You smile slightly. "Okay."


	28. Chapter 28

It's windy outside. I'm tempted to take the bus even if it's for a couple of stations.

But if I take it, I won't be able to talk to you.

"Why don't you want children?"

"You know why."

"I don't think I do."

"If it's not with you, I don't want any."

"But he does."

"So?" I stop walking.

You are pissing me off talking about this.

You know me better than I do myself.

You know I'm stubborn and irrational.

So in love with you that the mere idea of me having a child with someone who isn't you is unimaginable. And painful.

"Eventually you'll cave."

Maybe you don't know me after all.

But then, maybe you do...

Soon, too soon, we reach the restaurant and you have to leave.


	29. Chapter 29

I need some air.

I don't know why but I'm suffocating.

The fact that Kate is smoking isn't helping either.

She's looking at me weirdly.

Nothing new. They all think I'm crazy.

Maybe I am...

She finally crushes her cigarette and leaves.

I'm not relieved though.

I don't want to see you, so I go back inside too.


	30. Chapter 30

Bella asks me to follow her outside.

I do.

She announces to me that she's going to quit.

She tells me that she'll go back to school in the fall.

Nice. But I have to ask how.

She fidgets, tells me that she's getting back with her son's father.

She adds that it's better for them. He'll support them, he has the money to do so.

She's trying to justify herself, thinks I'm judging her.

Even if the reasons of this reconciliation are obvious to me, I don't judge her.

Who am I to do so?

Didn't I marry a man I don't love?

I congratulate her, make her feel better about her choice, say I'll miss her.

I will... and -surprisingly- Edward Jr. too.

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><p><strong>A.N.** _Two chapters are up. ;)_


	31. Chapter 31

We walk home in silence.

"Do you remember how it was?" You suddenly ask.

"What?"

You look up from your shoes. I had forgotten how beautiful your eyes are. "Us."

I don't know what you are talking about.

You are making less and less sense each passing day.

And I feel that I'm losing you a little more everyday and that I can do nothing about it.

You are fading.

To appease you I say "Yes."


	32. Chapter 32

I can hear someone crying and screaming.

It's deafening.

I dropped the phone on the floor.

I don't know if your mom is still on the other end.

I don't care.

Soon, my father is cradling me in his arms.

I realize that I'm the one screaming, that I'm the one crying.

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><p><strong>A.N.** _Two chapters are up._


	33. Chapter 33

"You are starting to realize." Your voice is so soft, feather like.

"I don't know what you are talking about."

"Yes you do. I'm.." I cut you off. I don't want to hear it.

"Stop it, okay? I'm gonna be late for work. I'm taking the bus... Don't follow me."


	34. Chapter 34

I think that I'm free of you; but here you are, sitting on the counter I'm cleaning.

"Why did it end Alice?" There is a glimmer in your eyes. Determination.

"I don't know..." I whisper. My colleagues already think I'm crazy. I don't want to prove them right.

"At least tell me, how?"

"Leave me alone Jasper."

"Why did you get married?"

I ignore you. You persist.

"Why didn't you wait for me if you love me so much?"

"I DON'T KNOW!"

The room grows quiet.

I tell Jane that I'm taking the rest of my day off. She lets me.

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><p><strong>A.N.** _Two chapters are up._


	35. Chapter 35

When I'm home, I take a shower and eat.

I'm watching TV when you appear next to me.

Thankfully, you don't talk. We watch TV together like we used to.

"I just need you to remember." You say sadly.

"Why?" I turn towards you but your eyes are still riveted on the screen.

"So that I can leave."

You're asking too much.

Don't you know that as long as you shine, I'll live and smile?

You turn to me then, and your eyes...

I want to look away, but I don't. I can't.

You look so sad.

"Please, let me go." You whisper and it breaks something in me.

I hadn't heard so much hurt in a voice for so long...


	36. Chapter 36

"The lorry driver didn't see him."

…

"He didn't make it."

…

"Alice, Jasper...Jasper is... He's dead..."

I remember those words. Your mother's words before I dropped the phone.

Besides my cries, I don't remember much after that.

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><p><strong>A.N.** _Two chapters are up._


	37. Chapter 37

We are still on the couch.

I don't know when the TV was switched off. I don't remember doing it.

"I told you to be careful with lorries."

"I know."

"Why do you want to leave?"

"Because you are alive and I'm not. Because you can't go on living like this. Because you are married. Because... Gosh, it's so hard. I'm dead, Alice. " I see your Adam's apple bobble.

"Stay?"

You don't answer. Instead, you pass your hand on your face. You sigh. You don't look at me.

"How do we say goodbye?" Tears are streaming down my cheeks. I hope it'll soften you and make you stay.

You smile sadly when you finally look at me. "Close your eyes."

I do it because I'll always do as you say.

It's like our first kiss. You told me to close my eyes and then you kissed me.

But today, when I open them, you are gone.


	38. Chapter 38

_He _found me in the shower.

The water was still running. It was cold.

_He _took care of me, maybe wondering how and when I relapsed.

I'm numb.

I let _him_ dress me, feed me, tuck me under the covers.

It's not the first time _he_ has to take care of me.

_He _loves me so much.

But I'll never be able to love _him_. I'm dead inside...

I've been dead for a long time.

Silent tears are running down my cheeks.

_He _wipes them off. It only serves to make more of them fall.

I don't deserve _him_.

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><p><strong>A.N.** _Two chapters are up._


	39. Chapter 39

They say I relapsed.

They say I stopped taking my pills.

They say I broke down.

They say I suffer from self-destructive behavior.

They say a lot of things.

But I know.

I know you were my sun.


	40. Chapter 40

My life was beautiful when the sun still shone.

When you were still warm, laughing. Alive.

But you're not and you aren't coming back.

Now without your sunbeam, my life doesn't shine anymore.

It never will.

I'll live, waiting, until the day I can join you.

I can't wait to see you shine again.

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><p><strong>A.N.** _Two chapters are up._

_Thank you for reading my story. __I hope you enjoyed it._

_Share your thoughts. ;)_


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